Tuesday, 11 September 2012

A twisted tale of the Three Little Piggies

This is a short story I've improvised in my creative writing class a few months back. We're supposed to modernized the tale of the 3 Piggies and the big bad wolf. I mixed it up a bit and here's what I've done.

Once upon a time, not too long ago, there were 3 pigs: Papa Pig, Mama Pig and Baby Pig. They lived together in a small brick house in the middle of the woods. They preferred living in the wilderness because they disliked the hustle and bustle of town life.

One fine day, Mama Pig made a big pot of porridge for the Piggy family’s breakfast. Papa pig took a big bite of the steaming porridge and exclaimed loudly “Oh, this porridge is too hot!” Mama pig took a taste despite Papa Pig’s warning and said “Oh, this porridge IS too hot!” Baby pig took a teeny tiny bite and whimpers at his hot porridge.

Papa declared, “Let us go for a walk while the porridge cools enough to eat.” So the three pigs dressed up in their best clothes and head out for a walk.” While they were out, a young girl with golden locks and wearing a bright red cloak came by. She was on her way to grandmother’s house but got lost in the woods: “Damned GPS doesn’t work; I should get my money back.” She saw a quaint little house in the middle of the woods by chance and decided to see if there is any one in there.

She reached the front door and gave an experimental knock, when no one answered; she knocked harder while calling out “Hellooo, anybody home?” Still no answers. “Oh well.” She pushed the wooden door open and entered the house. She was feeling cold, tired and hungry after wandering the woods for hours. Suddenly she spotted the three bowls of porridge. She went to the table and took a taste out of the first porridge. “Ouch, this porridge is too hot!” She tasted the second porridge and said “Oh, this porridge is too cold.” Finally she tasted the baby pig’s porridge. “Ahh, this porridge is just right.” She polished off all the porridge and rubbed her belly. “Fortunately this porridge isn’t nine days old.”

Red Riding hood went around the house examining every nook and cranny, she got tired and decided to sit in front of the fire to rest her feet. First, she sat of Papa Pig’s chair; she wriggled around uncomfortable on the hard, scratchy chair, which doesn’t bother Papa Pig’s thick hide too much. “This chair is way too hard.” She then moved on to Mama Pig’s large flowery chair and immediately sank right down into the cushions. “This chair is way too soft.” She grumbled. Red Riding Hood spotted Baby Pig’s little chair and decided to try that one instead. She sat down gingerly and it fit her just right, but it certainly didn’t last too long before the small chair gave way beneath her. Red Riding Hood got up from the floor and inspected the broken remains. “Oh dear, there is no saving this chair now. But I suppose I could get another one just like it from IKEA!” She whipped out her iPad and immediately googled IKEA’s website, quickly finding another replacement she made and order and paid it with her credit card. “FedEx delivers in just one day; it should be here in no time at all.”

Red Riding Hood yawns, all that walking and eating and busting chair sure made one sleepy. She wandered off to the bedrooms and leaped on to the first bed she saw. It went up to meet her with a loud crash. “@#$%!, this bed is too hard.” She felt as if all her bones were broken from that crash. Limping over to the next bed, she carefully climbed up and almost drowned in the mass of soft pillow. Rolling off the bed with difficulties, she gasped out “This bed is way too soft.” After making her way to the last of the beds, she fell asleep immediately once her head hits the pillows.

The three Piggies’ came back from their walk and found their doors opened. They were blaming each other for not shutting the door properly when they went out. But their rumbling tummy reminds them it’s time to eat. Papa Pig took a look at his porridge. “I say, someone has been eating my porridge!” Mama pig also said, “Someone has been eating MY porridge. Baby Pig burst into tears when he saw the empty bowl. “Someone has been eating my porridge,” he sobbed, “And they’re all gone!”

Mama Pig took him in the hand and they walked together to the living area, Papa pig being an OCD control freak noticed his chair was shifted from its usual spot a little. “Someone has been sitting on my chair.” He grumbles. Mama Pig noted her cushions are messed up. “Someone has been sitting on my chair, too.” Baby Pig cried, “Someone has been sitting on my chair, and they broken it to bits!”

Sensing that something is not right, they hunted around the house to see who has gotten in while they were out walking. They walked in to the bed room and saw their beds have been slept in; they repeated the whole drill yadda, yadda until they get to the Baby Pig’s bed. There, they saw the girl with golden locks, snoring peacefully in Baby pig’s bed. The three pigs were wondering what to do with her when the door bell rang.

The three pigs jumped out of their skin but they hurried out to the front door. When they opened it, they had the shock of their lives. A big gray wolf stood at their front door, he was carrying a package and dressed in FedEx uniform, though. The FedEx said: “Delivery for a Mr. Piggy?” Papa Pig answered, “That’s me.” The wolf handed him a slip and told him gruffly, “Sign here, please.” Papa Pig, still in shock, signed the slip shakily. The wolf handed him the package and was prepared to leave, suddenly he huffed and he puffed and sneezed a great sneeze, the three pigs immediately scrambled off to hide under the table. The loud sound also woke Red Riding Hood from her slumber.

“Who on earth is making all that racket?” Said Red Riding Hood while reaching the door. She saw the wolf wiping his runny nose and said, “You better get yourself checked out, the Swine Influenza pandemic is widespread now.” The Wolf eyes widened in shock after stealing a glance at the three pigs, he hurried out the house as fast as his feet could carry him. The three pigs got out from their hiding place, “Surely H1N1 has not made a comeback yet?” Red Riding Hood laughed, “Of course not, that was in 2009. I’m just messing with the wolf.” She spotted the package lying on the ground. “Oh, there’s my order.” She picked it up and began to unbox it.

“By the way, who are you?” Asked Mama Pig, Red Riding Hood answered, “Add me on Facebook- RedRdgHood. Or you can get all the latest updates through my Twitter- @RedRdgHood. They were all baffled with this strange lady. “What? Don’t you guys have a Facebook account?” The pigs shook their head. “Oh, never mind.” She continued un-boxing the new chair. “Now how do I put this together?” She stared at the piece of instructions for a long while, unable to make any sense of it. Papa Pig volunteered and put the chair back together in no time, baby Pig was especially delighted with his new chair. They all thanked Red Riding Hood but she shrugged it off. “Don’t mention it; I did break your chair first.”

The three pigs and Little Red Riding Hood easily became fast friends, they sat in front of the fire playing with Red Riding Hoods iPad, Papa and Mama Pig even have new Facebook account set up. Papa Pig is secretly planning to get one of those nifty gadgets so he could play Scramble with Friends and Fruit Ninja. After hanging out for a while, it was time for her to go on her way.

“Oh, before I leave, I need to recommend you to my chiropractic bed agent; it’s not good for the spine sleeping on a bed that is too hard, or too soft.” She handed them a name card. “There is a discount at their showroom at the moment, go get a new bed while it last.” Said Red Riding Hood. “We’ll have a look this weekend.” The three pigs agreed while Papa Pig pocketed the card. “You should also consider having new locks installed on your front door, if a harmless little girl like me could enter your house with no problem, what can’t a determined burglar do?  Just call my dad, he’s a locksmith, tell him I sent you and I’m sure he’ll be more than pleased to give a special price.”

“Look at the time! You don’t happen to know where my grandma, Goldilocks house is, do you.” Asked Red Riding Hood. “We could walk you there,” Said Papa pig, we were now waiting for our lunch to cool by the way. So the four of them set out towards grandmother’s house. They wolf was never seen in that part of the woods again, after the Swine Influenza scare.

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